I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
