I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
