So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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