you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
