you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
