Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
