Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
