He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
