just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
