so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
