have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Farmville is her only friend.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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