thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize