i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
