I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
