My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
