I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
