I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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