i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
