i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
