I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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