? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
