We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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