talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
