Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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