Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
