Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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