Ambien. No doubt about it.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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