hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
