i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
