You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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