She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
