I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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