Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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