Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
