"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im holly from the hills drunk
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
