Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
