Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Your cock deserves a montage
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
