when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
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I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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