Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
