You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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