So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
