you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
