Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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