i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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