I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
