Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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