At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve