There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
