I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
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well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend