I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
