Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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