I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
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Another day, another engagement, another cat
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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