do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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