isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
