nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
