Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
high people should be assigned attendants
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
