..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
