but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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