Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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