I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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