I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
