Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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