if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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