She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
