the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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