i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
