I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You can't just leave with hair like that
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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