I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
