I think my vagina is haunted
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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