I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.