ooooooooooooo i'm drink
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.