so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney