I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
