i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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