my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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