i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
