I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
