Whod you bang
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
